A Blog About Separation, Divorce and Children – Outside the Law

How Can I Control My Emotions During Divorce?

A husband and wife verbally lash out at each other during the divorce. It’s in text messages, emails, phone calls. They know what they’re doing is foolish. Maybe each spouse also knows what they’re writing will be used against them in court, especially if there are admissions made that become relevant in a custody case. But they can’t help themselves. Rehashing bitter moments during the marriage is too easy. So is blaming the other for the breakup and the problems that have followed since separation. Sound familiar?

The heightened emotions in divorce

If you’ve ever been through a divorce or know someone close to you who has, it should. It’s pretty common. We divorce lawyers see it regularly although our lawyers (the ones in our firm) do a pretty darn good job of educating our clients about both the foolishness and legal consequences that could follow such conduct. Still though, nobody is immune from the melt down.

Understanding the triggers that cause the emotional turmoil

So how do you stop it? I have talked to colleagues, judges, psychologists and many others who have a professional or clinical perspective on this. But the best perspective didn’t come from them. It has come from experience in studying the triggers that cause such verbal attacks. You see, you cannot stop humans from being human, which is to say we will all stay things we regret from time to time but if you study the triggers for such behaviors (what led to them), control is no longer an adolescent illusion.

What are the triggers? I am glad you asked. [Continue reading]

Micromanaging Family and Children Does Not Work – Especially During Divorce

Let's talk about micromanaging family and especially children, but from a different angle than you may think. We are going to look at a case study, a couple I observed in Court this past week. For the most part, I very much enjoy what I do for a … [Continue reading]

Where Do Domestic Violence Victims Turn When Law Enforcement Does Nothing?

Every day, victims of domestic violence walk into courtrooms and request restraining orders. These orders are almost always against the current or ex spouses or boyfriend / girlfriend. I have seen horrific domestic violence cases. I have represented … [Continue reading]

How do you Talk to Children About Custody?

Read most Family Court custody orders and you'll see a couple of lines that discourages the parents from getting the children involved in the divorce and custody disputes. Some orders go as far as stating the parents shall not speak with the children … [Continue reading]

Co-Parenting Between Divorced Spouses Starts With Respect But Not of the Kind You May Think

Think about a marriage. How does a successful one work? Trust - of course. Honesty - that and trust are two peas in a pod. Communication - yes and that includes both listening and sharing. Anything else? The most important thing of course - respect. … [Continue reading]

Divorce and Children. The Unhealthy Connection Between Money and Timeshare

The word "timeshare" isn't just a piece of vacation real estate in the Bahamas. When it comes to children and custody, it's the hours during the week, month and year they spend with each parent. Two parents who share a schedule that allows them to … [Continue reading]